Hiatus - post college

So....it's been quite awhile since I updated anything on the site (almost 6 months). A strange hiatus has occured in my life ever since graduation - a much needed break from the art world I would say. A lot has happened in my life since college ended - both the good and the bad. The transition has been incredibly difficult though. I moved from Bay View to Riverwest with my old roomate Charlie over the summer. I now work full time as a cook in Cudahy at this awesome place called Tat's bar and grill on layton and lake drive. 6 months after graduation I didn't expect to be cooking as a career, but life works in peculiar ways much of the time. I can say however, I am happy here, as I work with Ryan - my best friend who I've known for about 6 years now. My bosses are really cool and I love the independent local attitude and productivity of how Tat's operates. It's not coporate America and I love that! That and I get to watch football season play out and listen to music all day at work - way better than any job I've ever had. :) I love cooking - it's given me a great satisfaction, and I'm actually making something with my time instead of just being the system's bitch as a waiter.

Anyways - lets backtrack about 3 months ago. My life was what I would describe as tanking out hardcore - No hours at work. No buss pass. No food. soupkitchens. No success at finding a relevant college career. depression. isolation. - you get the picture. I did no art this summer at all for the most part - Which was the strangest part of the whole picture. I've been on almost a half year hiatus from creating art - the longest period of not doing art since I started drawing at age 4. What I did do was write. I wrote a lot - like everyday. Words for some reason found a higher impact this summer than sketch strokes and digital art. I wrote this about mid summer:

Middle of the month, with no progress to show
A loss of motivation, has got me movin way to slow
Rainy days bring things even slower here
insecurities linger, wrapped and bottled up – shouting towards the rear
Im a child in a bubble
Lost in the wreckage – rebel inside the rubble
Its my Ode to the fall through
Home to the past due
Smile inside a frowned out face
Ain’t no way to win this race
Not so easy competition
wish I’d bought heavier ammunition
Zombies walk as strangers talk
I need to feel my bathroom caulk
Life is far past unglued
As I wish for grandeur mood
The moon is right and out of sight
Moves in flight remain moves in plight.
The battlegrounds are keeping me
abrasive with a light to see.

Feel like a one legged dog
But I don’t want no sympathy
All I want is to feel the truth
Even when its left us all alone.
Do you see me through all the fog banks?
As I heal my wounds on the lonely road
I should be riding the waves I built
But instead I’m wandering the shoreline in question
The chasm inside me has exposed me to this
And my heart’s heavy trials compel me to change it.


another piece a month later:
Trickle of August

The weeks trickle by like a leak from the faucet
Infrastructure collapsed from within the hollow shell of things
So, Today I sit again
Trying to piece something together
There’s nothing left to take from me,
As I watch myself bleed these tangents down to the floor

The fragile collapsed. My fragile collapsed.
Oh how I wish I could be someone else
God,
Where did I place myself?

No one is here to help me up
My friends left me weeks ago….
Just like in every deck of cards,
Someone always gets handed the joker

The morning bleeds to afternoon bleeds to evening bleeds to something….

Oh god, show me some kind of healing
Please allow me some kind of release

I fight relapse- I won’t let it take me away again
The streets. The ocean. The grass blades. Sleep gently…..
I’m still here dreaming everyday right on cue
I’m still waiting in ambience as I forgot my forgiveness

Where should I let this take me?
Where are the people I thought were close?


I pass garbage filled streets on my ways
I pass old men awaiting their better days
Life strung out and cold
Life evaluated defective, tied up and sold
PLEASE GOD LIFT ME UP
LIFT ME UP BEFORE I GO AWAY……


Looking back things were quite a mess. I'm glad things are drastically different now. I think a lot has to do with the fact I'm 70 days clean tomorrow from both drugs and alcohol - not cigarettes (thats too much too fast). I'm in counseling on North and Prospect and it has been going extremely well. I love the people in my group - I gained an incredible amount of insight on all types of things we talk about there. I'm there because of an OWI I got last December. I was an idiot and I deserved it, and now I'm moving forwards with my life. I can't wait to get my licence and my car back :)